my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
