I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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