Apparently you make a good broom.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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