so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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