2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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