My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
