why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
