smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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