he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So many bounce houses so little time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
