WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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