Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
