Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i've created a new STD.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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