I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
