So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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