What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
