her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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