return my video game
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
