who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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