Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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