He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
