i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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