just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
