I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and she was petting her beer can
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
