is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
