Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
