dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
