I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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