He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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