So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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