Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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