what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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