Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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