ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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