I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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