Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
