Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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