he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize