..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
