i think i have two assholes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
