just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
