I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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