My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
