i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
