i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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