that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
