Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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