I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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