So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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