she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
