I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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