I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
