Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
