he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
