you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
