when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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