Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
