I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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