I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
