Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
