Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
