Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
