Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
