She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
