Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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